And I thought I was tough...

She's strong, pushes on, can't slow her down

She can take anything life dishes out

There was a time

Back before she was mine

When I thought I was tough...

Just that, tough. My momma was as tough as they come. Not physically, well yeah she was...but you get me. 😃 The woman seriously fought through more than most people will their entire life. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

The hubby's phone rang at 5:23am that morning. The sun was barely peeking through our curtains, and our house was as quiet as can be. In the brink fo the moment, Mike quickly hung up without even looking to see who it was. It rings again & he tells me it's my dad. I am thinking "what in the heck does he want this early in the morning?" He answers, and its silent for a split second, which seemed like an eternity. I hear my dad say "Margie is dead." And from that moment, everything sped up like your movie in fast forward motion, yet felt like it took all week for one day to finish. From that moment, my life changed forever.

You see, my mom was not just my mom. She was my best friend. She was my advice giver, my backbone, my confident, and most certainly my biggest supporter. No matter what I got myself in to or what I didn't, she was always there. We spent many days & nights sitting at the kitchen table just talking about everything under the sun. I made many & I mean MANY grocery trips to Fricks with her, and begged for chicken gizzards from the deli. And I usually got my way, bc she wanted some too. She washed many uniforms through out the years, and traveled many many miles to softball games and band competitions. She cooked THE best food. Especially her hamburger has, which to this day, I still can't figure it out. Oh yeah, and the BEST fried eggs! 

Her breakfast choice was a waffle with a little syrup on it, with a fried egg on top. I could never grasp how she liked that, but she loved it. She got up early to make dads lunch, and egg sandwich before he left for work. Then, she'd fight the good fight of trying to get my sisters & I up for school. She'd drop us off, and head to work. She worked with mentally handicapped adults, and my gosh was she an angel to them. She'd get off work just in enough time to come & pick us up from school. Homework, laundry, practices, more laundry, dinner, and bed. Over & over & over & over. She never once complained. EVER. 

Summer time would roll up, and it would be a bit slower in the morning for her, but she'd sit and write us a long list of chores each of us would have to do, BEFORE she got home. Oh, to have that list again! We'd usually get them done about 5 minutes before she walked in the door! She'd take a little nap, and then it was to the ballpark for the rest of the night. Over & over & over & over! She never once complained. EVER.

The day that she died, a piece of me died with her. If you have never lost someone close, especially a parent, you really don't understand. It's a pain that is so piercing, and it just lingers. Forever! It will literally knock you off your feet, or feel like you have been kicked in the stomach. It comes out of left field, after doing well for so long. Today, as I mother my own children(that never got to meet her,) I see/hear a lot of my momma come out. It literally makes me stop in my tracks and smile. If I become just 1/4 of the mom she was to me, I'd call that a success.

Almost 11 years later, the pain is still very real. I think of her daily, and talk to my own kiddos about her a lot. Every once in awhile, I'll grab the note she wrote me on my wedding day & read it, and just cry. I visit her grave site pretty regularly, and not because I think she is "there." She loved, and I mean LOVED flowers and gardening. So, I make sure her grave site is beautiful. 

She fought hard. She was admitted to the hospital 13 times b/t Jan.09-July 09. She spent Mother's Day in the hospital that year, and was released from a stay just a few days before my nephew was born. She spent 90% of her last 6 months in the hospital, and never once complained. EVER. 

My momma was far from perfect, but she was perfect for me. God blessed me the day He made me for her, but broke my heart the day He took her from me. 11 years later, it still hurts, but just a LITTLE less. That gut wrenching feeling is few & far between, and the tears don't flow near as often, but gosh do I miss that woman. More than anything! 💓

Ps: Tough? She was a catcher while growing up. Her best friend pitched so hard that she broke my moms hand in a game. She continued play the game, & never once complained. EVER. Yeah, she was a bad ass too! 

Like no other...

Do you have that one person in your life that is like no person you have ever met? The one that will dry your tears, pray for you, laugh at & with you, and show up at any time to have a "session?' How about someone that has brought 2 critically ill family members into her home in order for them to pass in peace, all while dealing with the grief of losing her own son? Do you have someone in your life that text just because shes thinking about you, or because she has something funny to tell you? Good gracious, I could go on & on...

Luckily, God blessed me with an aunt that is beyond "just" an aunt. She's my best friend, my confident, my therapist. She's my cheerleader, my softball loving, go getter, always there Aunt Cheryl.

You see, our relationship isn't the typical one. It's the text (almost) everyday, and get together as often as we can kind of deal. And every damn time we are together, we laugh, and laugh hard. We cry, and we reminisce. Over time, our relationship has grown stronger, and our jokes wittier.

Aunt Cheryl, I sincerely thank you for the lifetime of advice, wisdom, & laughs you have provided me with. Since mom has passed, you have stepped into that "motherly" roll, and I could never thank you enough. Early on you earned that "cool aunt" status & was certainly like a second mother. But, you were always willing to let me break the rules a little bit, just for the heck of it. You have always had my back, and have always been one of my biggest supporters.

Cheers to just a few of my faves....

Your Timeless Humor

My parents were always (semi) strict. You always understood both sides. Your ability to make me laugh through the bad times, and laugh even harder through the good times, matched up with your understanding nature, helped me through my childhood-and now motherhood.

Your Selfless Family Contributions

Attending sporting events(& she still does this for my kids,) making THE best omelets, organizing ladies weekends, and always being willing to sit & talk with anyone at any time. You never failed to support not only me, but the rest of our enormous family. And, let me mention again...you taking in our beloved family members on their rode home to Jesus. Seriously, your heart is indescribable.

Your Love in Jesus Christ

You have prayed for me, my family, my marriage, my children. And when you say you are going to pray for me, I KNOW you will. On countless occasions (whether you know it or not) you have strengthened my faith in God. The crap that you have been dealt, especially in the last few years would break most people, But I see you smile. I see you laugh. I watch your strong freaking heart keep on giving. I see you pray. And to me, that means the world. Your faith in God totally inspires me!

So here it is. This is a forever thank you. Your dedication to me, my children, my family, and to everyone around you is never unnoticed. You deserve the world, my sweet Aunt, and I will forever keep trying to give it to you.

the "Sullentrup girls"

 Sisters. I'm the baby of 4. 4 of the most compassionate, brave, loving, tell it like it is sisters. I've got one that is & always has been the peace keeper, and is always (& I mean always) there for everyone, no many how many times you've burned your bridge with her. One that has fought her way back from some serious crap that would have destroyed most, but she keeps getting stronger by the day. One that is my person, through thick & thin. She's like that twin that is not really your twin. She knows what I'm thinking, & can usually finish my sentence. And, one that tells me exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. She truly is the rock. The one that holds all 5 of us up, even in our darkest times, & gives the best damn advice.

I hear allllll the time about how people envy the relationship that I have with my sisters. You see, it wasn't always like this. We always had a love-hate relationship. We would be best friends at times, but could turn in to the worst of enemies in a flash. The older that we have gotten, the closer we have become. And good gravy, am I so happy about that.

We have shared so many special memories over the years, but I'll spare you the time(& your vision,) and just share a few. 

Christmas 1990. Our parents had the bright idea of going to the woods to cut our first real Christmas tree. I mean, what could go wrong? We had high ceilings, a huge front door, and a lot of space. We head out on our maiden voyage, saw in (dad's) hand(remember that part at the top where I said we could turn into enemies really fast? 😏) We found it! Well, the oldest found it! The most beautiful, full, tall tree! We got it home, and it would NOT fit through the front door. Not even close! So, no big deal right? We can fix that with a little trimming. Ok, done! Try again...it made it through the door! Alleluia! Go to stand it up, and....too tall! Back out the door it goes, cut the top off, and back in the door. It fit, and by this time, it looks NOTHING like the tree that we picked out in the woods. But it was perfect. It may have been angel-less, but it was perfect! We still joke about this, even 30 years later.

2009 was hard. In all honesty, the hardest year of my life. My mom was in & out of the hospital 18 times from January-July, including Mother's Day. She passed away July 8, at the young age of 50. I fought some very strong demons that year, especially after she passed. My sisters repeatedly picked me up. They talked me through my struggles, made midnight house calls, and essentially, put the pieces of my heart back together, all while trying to mend their own. Some may ask why this would be one of my "favorite" memories. That very hot, sad day in July 09, made our bond stronger than ever. The loss of mom was unbearable, but I am honestly not sure I would have ever made it through without these 4.

For the last several years we have talked about having a sisters baking day. And, if you know these ladies, and their kid's never ending sports schedules, then you know it's darn near impossible to to get us all together in the Fall for anything, besides a game of course. Well, this year we did it. We found a weekend that worked for all of us, and we had our sister baking day, and it definitely will become a tradition. We (along with our daughters) spent several hours measuring, pouring, stirring, baking, messing up recipes, & laughing. And I mean laughing A LOT! We had cookies that tasted like a ball of sugar, a batch or two that looked like flat pancakes, and possibly a batch that all grew together and become a cookie cake. But, we made so many memories that day, and I am looking forward to many more of the sister baking days.

 We have inside jokes, foul mouths(well a few of us anyways,) and a weird obsession with football(thanks to our dad.) We spend as much time with each other as we can, and always make the best out of our time. I love these girls more than words could ever describe, and I am forever grateful that God gave them to me.

 

Press play. It's entertaining, I promise!

Oh, & have I mentioned that these ladies are THE best moms? If I turn out to be 1/2 the mommas that they are, I'll consider that a success! 💖

 

We're all in this together...

Did you ever think that we would experience this kind of "life" in our lifetime? Did you ever think you would see the day that our schools close down, people are buying everything off the store shelves, and all professional sports are suspended for the time being? I sure didn't.

"I always wondered what the world would be like when my grandkids got older. I sure didn't think it would be like this." Words right out of the mouth of my daddy, and man did he nail it.

The adventure of schooling at home is a blessing, but the most overwhelming blessing I have ever had the pleasure of doing. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids with every ounce of me, but whoa. I have to brag just a minute on them...they have been doing phenomenal. I know we are only a week in, but we have a routine down, and follow it pretty strictly. And only about 40 minutes of our day is spent at the table. L has been my toughest adjustment. He is a slight perfectionist that thinks he is in charge. Everything has to be done the way his teacher taught him, and come on now, this common core math is for the birds. I have been youtubing how to do 1st grade math the "right" way, just to keep his little mind at ease. M, hes a breeze. The boy is smart beyond his years. As long as he apples himself, he zips right through everything. But, proud mom moment here....I remembered how to cross multiply, and showed (really reminded) him how to do that. HA! Take that, Mrs. Clarkson! I WAS listening in elementary! 😎 C, well C is my man that struggles more than the other 2 boys. He hates, and I mean with all his being HATES writing or explaining his work. I mean, I do not blame the kid, but that is beside the point. But, he has been taking this journey so well. As long as he gets to sit by me at the table, and I rub his back, he is on it. And, today he did his entire math set with no help, and he didn't miss a single one. These kids are rockstars, and I am so blessed to be able to be with this uncertain time. I told M at the beginning of this week that I could totally homeschool, & the quick response of NO came out! Our boys thrive at school, with awesome teachers. No need for me to do it,,,,but to only dream!

                    C is feeling the craziness around him. "This stuff is whack, bro!"

 

Day #1 of school at home! 3/18/2020

                                     
                               The principal takes ALOT of naps. And I mean alot!

                                          This, this right here makes it all worth it!

  M in his element.

                                Momma's PE class includes bootcamp, and canned goods for weights!

 With church & Sunday school also being suspended, we have been getting in some bible studies & prayer practice in as well. C will be receiving his First Communion this year. 🎔

Rainy days call for puddle jumping!

COVID19 is affecting our entire world, and I have a feeling it isn't going anywhere to quickly. Huge props to our nurses, doctors, health proffessionals, first responders, grocery stockers/clerks, and anyone else directly affected by this virus. 2 of my sisters work in the health field, and I pray, I pray so hard for them everyday. To get up everyday, go to work, and have to deal with the uncertainty that the day will bring, I am sure is a draining feeling. I pray that they do not come in to contact with anyone that has Corona, and that they don't bring it home to their own family. I pray that God protects them and their co workers. I pray to God that this passes quickly. I pray that anyone with a suppressed immune system stays healthy; especially my dad & stepmom, my Godfather, & sister in law. 

The stores are FREAKING nuts. No toilet paper, paper towels, antibacterial wipes, cleaning supplies, canned goods, or respect. I was there over the weekend, at opening and there were so many people everywhere already. Making rude comments, filling their carts, etc. Let's all come together people. Let's all have a little respect for everyone else around us. 

Remember, whether you are home all day with your kids, working out of the home, trying to juggle school at home & a job, or your kids are grown, you are doing a great job. Everyone is different. Everyone is struggling, they just might not show it. Remember, we are all in this together. 💜

                                 Y'all ever feel like life needed a slow down? Yeah, me too! 💜

How we got here...

Here's the minimized story.
The hubby and I have been together for almost 18 years, married 11 of those. We started trying for kiddos the day we got married. We actively tried, (like every night) to get pregnant. Come March, we FINALLY had a BFP (big fat positive!!) Just a couple of weeks later, we had a miscarriage. A year had gone by with no luck, and we went to a fertility specialist that got us on the right track. (well we thought he did) After meds & lots of bloodwork, we were expecting! We got passed the last pregnancy length so we thought we were in the clear....2 weeks later, I was rushed to the hospital and was told that the baby was in my tube, and an emergency surgery was in order. Took my right tube completely out, and left all the other junk that makes me a "woman." Yikes! Here we are...10 years later....

(It gets a bit longer here) In 2012, I mentioned to my hubby about foster care and adoption. His exact words, "No way. I could never do that!" I left it at that. If 2 aren't on board, there is no way it would work. About 4 months later, (out of the blue), he came to me and told me to contact Children's Division about a consultation! WOO! We made an appointment, and at that apt, we scheduled classes. The classes were scary. Like "Holy shit, I lived in a bubble" scary. We had NO idea what was really happening in our world. We did our classes, home study. etc., and prepped our home. And waited, & waited, & waited. Received our first call shortly after Christmas. (2 months after our last class-felt like an eternity) 2 little boys! They were already in a foster home, and their bio was expecting! AHHH!! Ok, we had no kids. Nada. And they called us about 2, soon to be 3. You know, all those crazy questions run through your mind. Do we have enough space, toys, clothes, etc?! We waited (what I felt like forever) on the phone call from their foster mom to come and meet them. That day finally arrived, and it could not have gone more perfect! First, we were greeted by their family like they had known us forever. The boys were wonderful. C @ 9 months, climbed up in my lap and went right to sleep. Talk about melting my heart. We talked for hours, but could have talked so much more.We left, and at the bottom of the driveway, the hubs looked at me and we both just started crying. We KNEW that they were the ones. The ones that God destined us to find. We just knew it! A few months went on, they stayed at our house on the weekends, and finally is was move in day! M & C were now with us for good. Adjusting to the new surroundings, the new family, etc, here comes baby just 2 months later. HOLY CRAP---WE ARE PARENTS TO 3 KIDS!!!! That call that morning was so bittersweet. "Dawn, she had the baby. It's a boy. You can come over anytime!" Whoa. Talk about your stomach dropping to the floor. I immediately called the hubs, & emotions were flying. I went over with my dear friend (previous foster mom) to see this sweet baby boy. PRECIOUS. We brought him home on 4th of July, and there is began...our family of 5. Months went by, and the boys just grew & grew. So happy & so healthy. We soon were notified that the bio parents had signed over their rights, and we needed to pick an ADOPTION date!!!! WOOHOO!! FINALLY!!! On August 22, 2014, we became the FOREVER FAMILY that we had always dreamed of. We were officially mommy & daddy. Our hearts are full. God blessed us with 3 of the greatest blessings in the world....

 We always spoke of a little girl. From the time that the shock of 3 kids all at once wore off, we really got to talking about it, and prayed. ALOT! We prayed that when the time was right, God would send us a little girl to love, and to hopefully complete our family one day. -not to mention, C had been asking Santa for 3 years for a baby sister- Fall of 2018, I started messaging our "angel in disguise" some questions about sleeping arrangements and such for a little girl. After a while, she shared some pretty exciting news with us that she had a little girl in her home that would possibly be needing a pre-adoptive home. We prayed. ALOT! After a few hoops, roller coaster rides, and such...we surprised our boys with a baby sister on Christmas day 2018. Tears flowed, and I mean FLOWED that day. Our boys were so in awe over this sweet little bald 1 year old girl. We continued with visiting with her on the weekends, her spending the night with us sometimes, and at the end of April 2019, she moved in with us full time. Shes made leaps in bounds in talking, and spews out every word everyone else says. She runs everywhere, and at the tiny little age of 2, shes almost potty trained. Our forever family is ALMOST complete! We are just waiting on an adoption date for this sweet little love.

FYI:That business at the top...I blogged during that very dark time in my life. If you'd like to check it out, http://ouremptyarmsjourney.blogspot.com/

I introduce you to....

I've started this blog to help document the ins and outs of being a mom. Life is crazy these days, and when I am old & gray, I want to be able to look back and laugh, or cry, at all of these days.

I'm Dawn, the mom to all these crazies, a nurse, a chef, a maid, a referee....you get where I am going!

I have 3 little boys that all have their own personalities, that shine, just in the brink of time. And a little lady that follows right along with her bubbies, but has <a bit> of a girlie side too!

M is 11. 5th grader with an attitude of a pre-puberty girl. He can be as sweet as cookies, or as sour as curdled milk. No joke. He loves soccer, and hates vegetables. He thrives on Science activities & Jesus, and someday, he will travel the world. He has dreams to be a scientist, and invent fast acting fertilizer & crops, for our farm.

C is 7. 2nd grader, and loves anything to do with being outside. He is my little fireball, but has his cuddly moments. His daddy is his knight in shining armour, and his little brother is his best buddy. He will one day run our farm, and name every pig & kitty that he comes into contact with. He loves baseball & wrestling!

L is 6. 1st grader, and the biggest smiler you'll ever meet! He is a mommy's boy, yet you can find him on the farm with his daddy an awful lot. L's favorite food is broccoli, but he will eat just about anything you put in front of him. He loves to play baseball & basketball, but hates running. -Weird how that works out for him.-

O is 2. She's a fiery princess, and she runs the show. (She likes to think so anyways) She's stuck up her daddy's behind anytime he is around, but has a fierce love for her bubbies as well. She loves everything that has to do with a baby doll, and loves to carry a purse. But don't let her fool ya...she is as dirty as a piggie when she gets home from the farm.

My handsome hubby works full time and farms full time. And no, not in the same place. He's a very busy man, which leads to me being home with the kiddos, by myself alot. (he does try to take atleast 1 with him) He farms a Century farm, and one day will pass it to our kiddos.

Here's to our life. The ups and downs, and all the craziness in between.

Oh, did I mention? I'm a SAHM, that babysits a few kids. Crazy?! Maybe!But here I am, living the dream.